h1

Urban Legend: fish are calming

April 29, 2010

Whoever thought fish were supposed to be a calming influence clearly have not walked a mile in my shoes.

Last year I got The Child a beautiful betta fish – a blue one, of course, due to her obsession with the color blue. We named him Aqua (very original, I know, so kindly STFU). He started off to be a nice enough little chap. He’d follow you around the tank, seemingly in to “hanging out” and interacting.

Then we moved. And his food got lost in the shuffle.

Dreamboat (Scott, for those of you out of the loop) babysat him for a week or so and tried to give him the flake food he feeds his oscar. Aqua was not amused. He went on a hunger strike.

When we brought him to our house we picked up some betta food, thinking he’d go back to his happy, eating, interacting self. FAIL. He’d suck in a little nugget and immediately spit it out and look at me like I was the biggest jackass on the planet.

I don’t take kindly to being rebuffed by surly fish. It was expensive betta food and he damn well better learn to love it!

He finally relented, though I think his prolonged starvation has taken its toll. Either he’s developed a vision problem or he’s manipulating me. I have a strong suspicion it’s the latter. Now he hangs out in the upper corner of his tank (his “feed me” spot), and when I drop a little nugget in the water he does one of two frustrating things: he’ll flee as if I’m showering him with lighting bolts; or he hovers within millimeters of the floating tidbit until I wiggle it even closer to him with my finger – literally forcing me to spoon feed him. He may eat one or four nuggets before he decides, again, that it’s no longer food – it’s lightning bolts.

High maintenence little bastard.

When Dreamboat asked if he could put his koi in the fountain in our garden I thought that was a nifty idea! Koi! They are cool and all zen-ny just by virtue of their folkloric (is that a word?) reputation.

When he dumped them in the fountain I was excited as they were big and beautiful! There’s one gray and white one that reminds me of some prehistoric monster-skeleton-y thing; and two orange, black and white ones that are just plain pretty.

The process of capturing them from their large pond, spending a whole day in a bucket in the car, and getting unceremoniously dumped in to our admittedly scuzzy fountain was an understandably stressful day for them. I spent lots of time that day worrying that they were too stressed. Was the gray one listing to one side? Were the spotted ones even moving?? Already I was investing too much emotion in three fish, but being an animal lover I am terrified of anything dying on my watch.

Eventually they perked up and deemed sufficiently strong ( in my expert opinion) for me to quit worrying. (Except for worrying that one of the neighborhood raccoons would make sushi of them – but that’s nature so I can deal with it. Kind of.)

Excitedly I decided it was time to feed them. OMG have you seen big hotels with koi fish and how they practically leap out of the water to gobble up their vittles? These fish are flashy show-offs who dazzle you with their food-guzzling bravado! And now I was going to have that spectacular-ness in my own back yard! Perhaps I should sell tickets!!

Wrong.

Why? Because now these are “my” fish. And apparently my fish all have eating disorders. And my koi fish also are all Emo. Seeing them in our rather small fountain is like seeing Sasquatch. The three of them spend all their time hiding under the fountain because the world is clearly too sad for them to be in and my love is just not enough.

... because the other two little bastards are hiding

(No they are not yet raccoon sushi. When I turn on the water pump they are forced out of their mopey-hidey place and I can see that their sorry asses are still alive.)

So, in summary, fish are supposed to be all relaxing but my fish make me angry.

FML

Advertisements

One comment

  1. That is why one should have dogs …and not fish. Fish are not made to love you regardless…dogs always are happy to see you. Dogs will eat anything. Most dogs will not hide in the water. Most dogs would just as soon keep OUT of the water. If you have not gotten my message….dogs are meant to be pets. NOT fish!!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Margaret and Helen

Best Friends for Sixty Years and Counting...

Starstone/by Veronica Merlin

All content is copyrighted © to Veronica Merlin or Dark Mare Pictures

Camp Run A Muk

When 8 Worlds Collide & More...

whiskeytangofoxtrot4

wtf4?~ it's all about a girl and her camera and that golden light

Bend Equine Solutions, LLC

Your Passion is Our Purpose

Rock and Racehorses: The Blog

Sarah K. Andrew, Equine Photographer

Confessions of a Struggling Dressage Rider

How an adult rider manages it all.

A Horse and a Half

A horse woman who can afford one horse…and that horse is retired

TB at X

The dressage journey with ex-racehorses

Collecting Thoroughbreds

The training journal of a re-rider learning dressage

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

ZenDoe

Down to Earth Spirituality

Sketchjay

The Art Diary of Dawn Henning, a Brooklyn Artist...

In Vegetables We Trust

Home to over 200 vegan recipes.

Don't Switch Off The Light

GO VEGAN BECAUSE ITS THE MORALLY RIGHT THING TO DO

Vegan Lazy

Easy vegan cooking for the terminally lazy

Crafted in Carhartt

about women who do amazing things

The Happsters

Spread Positive Vibes. Give Love. Be Happy.

%d bloggers like this: