Archive for the ‘Personal Dramz’ Category

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A fleeting thought about food

February 14, 2013

It’s a popular belief that the EU has higher food standards than the US. GMOs are either banned or must be labeled. Many artificial ingredients are banned.

Yet THIS happened.

100% horse meat in jarred Bolognaise.

Neeeiiiigggghhhh!

Remember when Food Lion was caught remixing their green ground beef and relabeling it as fresh? 

Is there any wonder why I prefer to buy food made of plants – yet defend my friends who hunt? I’m not against meat eating – I am against mass produced meat. Eat less (A LOT less) and this shit will become a rarity.

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Things

January 18, 2013

less

Ironically, I find I am happier when I have less…

Have you ever noticed how your possessions and your habits become you?  They become insidious life-snatchers until you are your wardrobe, your brand new car, your fine taste in single malt Scotch. Or worse… you are that pile of clutter in your bedroom, your debts, your dead-end job.

Periodically life brings to my attention that my shit has gotten out of control – or more specifically, my shit’s gotten control of me. I kicked off the new year by taking inventory of what is important but yesterday I was reminded that it’s not an inventory, it’s life.

There is a lovely, lovely woman in my office who is a few years younger than me. She is smart as a whip and sweet as can be. She just returned from maternity leave and is the most devoted mother to her 3 month old and 3-year-old daughters. She is successful at work and a genuinely nice person. Her 35-year-old husband died yesterday – most likely a heart attack.

If that doesn’t make you really sit back and think about not only what is important – but also ask yourself, “what am I doing about that??” – I don’t know what will.

If today were your last day of life as you know it – was it good? 

Did it fulfill your vision of a good life?

I love my family. The very best days are days spent having fun with two of the sweetest and funniest people I know – the two people I live with. No one plays together like we play together – whether it’s roller coasters, traveling or skiing. We genuinely enjoy being around each other.

The daily grind is a serious damper on fun and I will admit that I am the most susceptible to stress in the house. If it’s not fun, I can be difficult to be around. I am “intense”, rigid and painfully direct when I am not on vacation mode. I know this must suck for my family and I can only hope that they know that it really comes from a place of “ohmygod I just want to be having fun with them!!!” I am annoyed with life, not them, but I don’t think they know that.

Less is More

This is my new mantra. I promise myself that I will say this before I shoot off my mouth. 

… Because if today was the last day of life as they know it, would I really want to be Dragon Lady stressed over the clutter pile? Or would I want to be Loving Wife and Mother?

Servicing the things in my life causes me stress. The only two things that are really important are named Scott and Haley. Well, and Lucas and Fiona.

This weekend is going to be busy with the horse show – but I plan on taking advantage of the extra day off to see some City sights and divest myself of some things…

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Steering

January 16, 2013

 

steer

Yes – I am steering  and attempting to change course. 

Stay tuned.

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Quitter

January 15, 2013

I didn’t foresee it, but I feel like I’ve taken on a de facto new year’s resolution:  quitting Facebook.

It feels a lot like quitting smoking.

If you are a heavy user like myself, posting becomes a nasty habit that you do even though it may not be good for you or your relationships.  You give your smart phone more of your attention than the real world.

Everyone knows that I stand for social justice, the welfare of ALL animals and not just my pets, that I think we should have universal healthcare and that I think Grumpy Cat and Ermergherd are the funniest memes ever.  It frustrates me that fewer and fewer people really respect marriages and boundaries when it comes to the cutie from high school. And, really, it breaks my heart to see so many people bearing arms in their profile pictures in the wake of innocent children being slaughtered at school by the same such weapon.

I am suffering from overshare. 

People know too much yet absolutely nothing about me.

And vice versa. 

The worst part about frequent Facebooking is that it siphons off the really interesting things in my life that do deserve more introspection. I love to write and ramble and think. Blogging takes planning and care and observation and thought. Facebook depletes my blog material (how shallow!)

Readers that read my blathering here choose to do so because they want to hear what’s really going on. They care about the minutiae of my life as much as I do. They navigate here or subscribe, not just because I happened to be a schoolmate or they like to argue with me or they know I’ve always got a Grumpy Cat posted. People choose to stop by and have a peek into my life rather than me vomiting my life up in their newsfeed. Or – even better – they’ve come here because the Google machines told them I can provide the information for which they are searching!

Google:  more validating than a thousand “likes!”

It’s odd to look at my phone and see no Facebook, Facebook Messenger or Friendcaster icons. It’s odd to see all the cars in my neighborhood covered in frost, whip out my phone and then remind myself, “no one really cares that there’s actually hard frost in San Francisco.” It was lovely to doze off on the train into work this morning. Tomorrow I plan on… *GASP* … reading.

I haven’t deactivated my account and don’t really plan to. If, after a decent time of no logging in at all, I can become a casual poster I may venture on occasionally. If not I will just shut it down.

That which doesn’t make my life better should not be in it. 

Due to this same feeling of overload I have sworn off 24 hour news. It’s all too much – yet all too little. 

So – guess what I bought without a lot of planning and marinating and shopping around from 100,000 different online outlets!?!  CURTAINS.  Yes, decor posts are on their way!! I won’t subject you to deep thoughts all the time 😀

And I CAN’T RESIST – HARD FROST – IN SAN FRANCISCO!!

frost

hey… who said quitting was easy??

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The numbers and the disconnect

May 23, 2011

Number of miles I have run in the month of May:  31.92

Number of miles I have run since I began running:  43.37 (5 weeks)

Number of days I have been religiously logging my calories and exercise:  76

Number of pounds lost:  22

I have been feeling so good and fit and healthy – really for the first time in my life.  It’s not that I’ve never been thin or in decent shape – I have been way too skinny at times and have had a six-pack and serious guns – I just never worked at it before.  I work out regularly and I crave exercise now.  I have had to buy new smaller pants and my wedding dress is having to be altered down by a HUGE amount.

I’ve been pretty proud of myself.

Then I saw a picture of myself yesterday… and it’s amazing how fast all of the above numbers can be wiped out.  No amount of numbers offsets the lumps and bumps and dumpiness I see in my “skinny” jeans. 

I guess that the upside is that I actually contemplated calling in sick to work so I could exercise all day, instead of feeling like saying, “fuck it – I’m eating.

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Clearing the way…

April 19, 2011

If you’ve been reading this tripe blog for a while you will know that I love going to the dump. Unloading massive amounts of dead weight from your life frees you up to move forward.

Last night I needed to find the last of my tax forms to file my taxes.  I waited until the last possible minute to do them because I needed to dig through the dunes of paperwork that has accumulated during the moves of last year. It was something I was having trouble steeling myself to undertake.

You know, I have a problem with that… when a task seems quite huge, I run and hide. Then, in my head, the task keeps growing and growing like some helium filled unconquerable monster until I feel like no human in the world (and most especially not I) can finish said task. Ever.

As the kitchen clock tick-tocked-tick-tocked (and it did not stop) I sat down at the table armed with paper bags, my trusty shredder, a dozen piles and two overstuffed boxes. If I was gonna start looking for the one 1099 I was gonna go through it all.

Perhaps this all or nothing approach contributes to my slacking procrastinating… hmmmm. I think I’ll choose to pretend I didn’t just have that revelation 😉

In the end the massive hoard was reduced to these perfectly managable file-piles.  As soon as I walk in the door they will all be slipped in to manila folders and nestled in the file cabinet.

Believe it or not, there is order there! (Note the blue tape used to keep the bulging tote closed. Yeah, you’ve really got your shit in a pile when you resort to such tactics!)

Outside, the recycle bin is now over half full. Yes, it’s one of the super big recycle bins. And, yes, it didn’t have a damn thing in it before last night.

Filling the recycle bin isn’t quite as thrilling as an outing to the landfill, but it was still pretty awesome.

And you know what? Honestly, it took me less than 2 hours. TWO HOURS. So much for the unconquerable monster theory…

Some of the crap I unloaded has been following me since we left the Avenues – last minutes bills hastily packed on my way out the door that never saw the light of day again.

Really – who doesn’t pay all their stuff online any way? And why can’t I make paper bills go away entirely??

Away went all the paper reminders of the debacle that was 2009… away went a bunch of unread magazines that I never got around to… away went random useless receipts… away went 401k statements that said the same thing month after month (You have $3.58 in your account – close it out for good you jackass!)… away went things I couldn’t find because now I know where they are.

No longer is there a massive pile on the table or in my head… I have cleared the path to breathing easier and focusing on the next thing that I will blow all out of proportion only to find that it really didn’t take that long after all. Ha!

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Submitting to retail therapy – against my will

November 19, 2010

Shopping, oh how I hate thee! Let me count the ways!

I am sitting here in a completely empty office in the dark save for the one light in my cube. The only sound is the soft whirrrrr of my computer fan and the HVAC. It is very calm and peaceful and I kind of wish it were like this all the time.

To add to my morning zen I actually put 2 minutes of thought in to my outfit. I am accessorized. I’m having a good hair day. I even managed to put on perfume! (Yes, Rae, the French whore perfume)

And, thanks to The Man who insisted, I have $300 cash waiting patiently in my wallet for a shopping trip this afternoon.

Cue anxiety attack!

Seriously. My stomach is in knots at just the thought of stepping foot in stores and – even worse – trying on clothes.

But as I admitted to The Man as he was delivering me to the front door of my office, I’ll never improve my self image if I’m always feeling like I am wearing sausage casings.

My wardrobe has become incredibly limited and I have stubbornly refused to buy fat clothes. I am cheap and I don’t want to admit I’m not a size 6… 8…. or 10 *ACK!!!* any more.  It’s hard to get out from under the wet blanket of self-loathing when there’s nothing you can put on to make you feel good about yourself.

So I am going to do that thing that I hate most in life… I am going to shop. My strategy is this:  a few multi-use pieces, mostly in black, with lots of colorful accessories. Hopefully I’ll soon be able to ditch the fat clothes and I’ll still have a lot of cute accessories. Then I will go home and purge my closet of all but a few things that don’t fit. No more reminders of what size I was.

Wish me luck.

Oh… on a happy note here is another smidgeon of  progress on the home front.

You may remember this picture from the first day we were in our house. We took a LOT of crap on Facebook for our sexy TV stand (and blow up mattress and cardboard dining table) even though our real furniture wouldn’t arrive for a few more days.

Confession:  that was still our TV stand until last weekend. Actually it was another tote higher! HAHA

That’s fixed now with a much more practical solution…

p.s. I got another 10 straws done last night! At this rate I may have a lamp shade before the world ends in December of 2012!

Starstone/by Veronica Merlin

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