Archive for the ‘Personal Dramz’ Category


Urban Legend: fish are calming

April 29, 2010

Whoever thought fish were supposed to be a calming influence clearly have not walked a mile in my shoes.

Last year I got The Child a beautiful betta fish – a blue one, of course, due to her obsession with the color blue. We named him Aqua (very original, I know, so kindly STFU). He started off to be a nice enough little chap. He’d follow you around the tank, seemingly in to “hanging out” and interacting.

Then we moved. And his food got lost in the shuffle.

Dreamboat (Scott, for those of you out of the loop) babysat him for a week or so and tried to give him the flake food he feeds his oscar. Aqua was not amused. He went on a hunger strike.

When we brought him to our house we picked up some betta food, thinking he’d go back to his happy, eating, interacting self. FAIL. He’d suck in a little nugget and immediately spit it out and look at me like I was the biggest jackass on the planet.

I don’t take kindly to being rebuffed by surly fish. It was expensive betta food and he damn well better learn to love it!

He finally relented, though I think his prolonged starvation has taken its toll. Either he’s developed a vision problem or he’s manipulating me. I have a strong suspicion it’s the latter. Now he hangs out in the upper corner of his tank (his “feed me” spot), and when I drop a little nugget in the water he does one of two frustrating things: he’ll flee as if I’m showering him with lighting bolts; or he hovers within millimeters of the floating tidbit until I wiggle it even closer to him with my finger – literally forcing me to spoon feed him. He may eat one or four nuggets before he decides, again, that it’s no longer food – it’s lightning bolts.

High maintenence little bastard.

When Dreamboat asked if he could put his koi in the fountain in our garden I thought that was a nifty idea! Koi! They are cool and all zen-ny just by virtue of their folkloric (is that a word?) reputation.

When he dumped them in the fountain I was excited as they were big and beautiful! There’s one gray and white one that reminds me of some prehistoric monster-skeleton-y thing; and two orange, black and white ones that are just plain pretty.

The process of capturing them from their large pond, spending a whole day in a bucket in the car, and getting unceremoniously dumped in to our admittedly scuzzy fountain was an understandably stressful day for them. I spent lots of time that day worrying that they were too stressed. Was the gray one listing to one side? Were the spotted ones even moving?? Already I was investing too much emotion in three fish, but being an animal lover I am terrified of anything dying on my watch.

Eventually they perked up and deemed sufficiently strong ( in my expert opinion) for me to quit worrying. (Except for worrying that one of the neighborhood raccoons would make sushi of them – but that’s nature so I can deal with it. Kind of.)

Excitedly I decided it was time to feed them. OMG have you seen big hotels with koi fish and how they practically leap out of the water to gobble up their vittles? These fish are flashy show-offs who dazzle you with their food-guzzling bravado! And now I was going to have that spectacular-ness in my own back yard! Perhaps I should sell tickets!!


Why? Because now these are “my” fish. And apparently my fish all have eating disorders. And my koi fish also are all Emo. Seeing them in our rather small fountain is like seeing Sasquatch. The three of them spend all their time hiding under the fountain because the world is clearly too sad for them to be in and my love is just not enough.

... because the other two little bastards are hiding

(No they are not yet raccoon sushi. When I turn on the water pump they are forced out of their mopey-hidey place and I can see that their sorry asses are still alive.)

So, in summary, fish are supposed to be all relaxing but my fish make me angry.



Changes are afoot

April 19, 2010

If you know me at all you know that I love me some mani-pedi action. Fake nails are not my bag – I prefer them short and shiny. But I’m also not very adventurous when it comes to color. If it’s not OPI “Kinky in Helsinki” or “I’m Not Really a Waitress”, I probably haven’t worn it. I’m a creature of red, sparkly habit.

Habit hasn’t served me too well – especially in the last year. Big, often uncomfortable, gestures seem to be what’s needed of late. This evenings’ color selection was deigned by the universe.

Baby steps … I’m takin’ em.



April 19, 2010

There is something about The City that keeps pulling me back. Perhaps this is where I belong, or more likely where I was, was not.

For the immediate future The Child and I are nestled snugly in the loving embrace of Pacific Heights. It has been not only a return home but a return to sanity, to a time-tested (and mother approved!) support network, to prospects, and to positivity.

Sometimes you make decisions without having all the information. Sometimes it works out, and other times you find it was a mistake. Righting the wrong can be painful and leave you scarred, but sometimes it’s necessary. The reward for endurance can be a thousandfold the price. You can’t remain in a void and progress.

So I chose life. I chose a future, which is turning out to be more than I ever would imagined.

I have friends…

Fiona has friends…

And I have love… lots of it.


Hold please

January 29, 2009

I am tidying up loose ends at work today… my last day will be a very brief one…  tomorrow!  After lunch with the office ladies I will be running home just in time to meet Rae Rae, pick up The Child, and go to Willits. 

*contented sigh*

I’ll be back next week, though, so dont’t you worry your pretty little heads.  Have a superduperfanfreakingtastic weekend!


Dream Job No. 1: First Decorator

January 21, 2009

Dear President Obama,

You need help with those white walls and that blaaaaaaaaand color palette.  I’m your girl.



p.s.  I just love saying “President Obama”

p.p.s.  I promise I won’t hit on your Chief of Staff there, even though he’s kind of cute 😀

photo from HuffPo

photo from HuffPo


So, it’s 2009

January 12, 2009

Yeah, yeah…  I know.  I’ve been a total slacker.  It’s not without reason, though!

Christmas was lovely, and New Years Eve started off the year in typical insane SF style.  First a “respectable” NYE party…  It was held in a furniture showroom (c’mon!  how perfect!!) that had been cleared out for the occasion.  Of course the kitchen installations along the walls remained so Rae and I were compelled to play Vanna White and demonstrate their bad-ass-itude.


After a disco nap and much trying on of Steve B’s Burning Man attire… then it was out to “Breakfast of Champions” – at 5:00am!  (Yes, 5 in the morning).  It was a SF Freak Fest of the highest order and I was Queen for a Day!  At least it felt like it.  Steve B and I held court in our matching tutu’s 😀 (yes, we planned that)


Ahhh… I love my crazy friends!

It was a tough adjustment going back to work:  I was off since before Christmas.  Even though I had been living the life of leisure I was having a ridiculous time sleeping.  Of course people who don’t sleep well also have a propensity for being overweight and I’ve also been packing on the pounds 😦 On NYE one of my dear friends – who shall remain nameless because they meant no offense – said I was a “beautiful, thick woman”  WHAAAA???  OMG – what happened to the days when people suspected me of binging and purging because I was sooooo skinny?  People used to say I was “tiny” – now I’m “thick”?  SHOOT ME.  NOW.

So…  I finally manned-up and went to the Doctor about not sleeping and I got the third degree about why a new patient would be seeing a doctor to get sleeping pills (shocking, huh?)  He was pretty intimidating and I don’t really blame him.  I’m sure I’m not the first semi-normal looking yahoo that’s waltzed in to his office looking for a scrip.  Whilst being interrogated about why I was looking for sleeping pills it totally slipped my mind to bring up the fact that my stomach has been killing me since my birthday.  Not surprisingly the day after I see a doctor about my insomnia I end up at the Acute Care Center at UCSF doubled over in agonizing pain.  (FYI – UCSF rules!  Go there if you’re sick and in SF!)  After 2 weeks off work I ended up taking almost another 2 days off last week while I was high as a kite on Percocet 😛

The good news is that the meds they gave me for my stomach are working finally.  And just as good is that I lost 7 pounds last week!  HAHA  Well, if you can’t find the silver lining what’s the point, right?  Yesterday Haley and I did Tai Chi AND walked, and this morning I got my well-rested ass out of bed at 6am (yes SIX!) and walked again – though much more vigorously without The Child.  We now have a pact that we must walk after dinner every night in order to earn our 40 calorie frozen juice bar.  I’m also obsessively measuring and counting everything.  I am challenging myself to see how much I can drop before my trip to Colorado next month.  I *am* eating right and exercising so STFU if you feel the urge to get all up in my business about that 😛

Seemingly 2009 was off to a relatively decent start – time off, addressed health issues, addressed the horrifying numbers on my scale… except for one thing.

While I was on the phone to the Help Nurse who suggested my trip to UCSF about my stomach, my boss tapped me on the shoulder and told me to meet him in one of the conference rooms when I got off the phone.  I work for an investment bank – I’m sure you can see the handwriting on the wall, can’t you?  He was waiting there for me with the personnel lady.  We had the talk that countless numbers have had lately.  Economic downturn… blah blah… reduction in workforce… blah blah…  your hours are going to be cut in half… blah… WHAT?  Yeah…  I’m getting put on half-time as of Feb. 1st.  Maybe…  I also have the option of cutting my hours to zero.

2009 blew in on a technicolor whirlwind, but now I’m left to ponder just what I am going to do.  Every crazy thought imaginable has crossed my mind and I can’t deny that most of them revolve around me being sick and tired of being sick and tired doing office work.  It sucks to be a victim of your own skills.  I am very employable in an office and I make decent money doing it – but I’m not happy.  It’s nice to be able to travel and buy a new sofa, but on a daily basis I feel like I’m just frittering my life away.

I’ve got lots to think about…  I’ll try to be better at posting but it’s likely to be my ruminations on my future, and unless you enjoy being a voyeur to someone’s not-too-interesting life, it probably won’t be too thrilling.  Hopefully the wit and charm you’ve grown to expect on this here blog – SHHH! 😛 – will return sooner rather than later!


Maggie Update

December 17, 2008

Maggie and her guilty pleasure, blanket sucking 😛



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